oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize