I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
