The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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