She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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