So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
