let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
