so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Small penises have feelings too.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
