I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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