At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
