My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My feet surprised me
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