im drinking this country out of the recession.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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