Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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