I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize