atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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