I just made out with a guy for $7.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
