Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
