I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
