i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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