i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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