Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
