Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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