I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
