i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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