Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
