i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
