I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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