she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
