the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
