I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
