Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
