It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
