You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
