shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize