I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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