When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
