Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize