We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
