i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
