i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
