Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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