that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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