Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
