I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
