saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
