Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
