I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
