I can text with my tongue
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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