i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
