It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
