I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
