Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
