i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
