Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
