State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
