Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
