Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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