Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
