What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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