i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
