Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
