Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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