There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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