just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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