his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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