Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
