There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
