We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize