i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize