i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I will pee on everything he values.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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