Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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