I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize