Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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